Meet the anti-homer

Figuring out fans – and who and why they worship – isn’t quite an enigmatic, complicated process.

In my experience it generally kind of goes like this: Person is born in Toronto, Montreal or Ottawa. Said person then follows and adopts the Toronto Maple Leafs, Montreal Canadiens or Ottawa Senators as their favourite team.

Geographical, to be sure.

There are deviations and irregularities, of course, coupled in with eccentricities. It’s not always as simple as the second paragraph would suggest.

Like?

Well here in Ottawa you tend to get a lot (a lot being a tonne) of Leafs and Habs fans. Reasoning? “My parents spent their lives in Mississauga (or Markham, or Thornhill, or Pickering) prior to moving here for work and they’ve always stuck to the Leafs. I follow who my folks do.”

And?

“My whole family’s in Pointe-Claire (or Beaconsfield, or Laval, or Brossard, or Boucherville) and we have a tradition of rooting for Les Habitants!”

“C’est juste!”

There are also a few people who lay their allegiances based on certain players as opposed to teams. I mean, who didn’t love Zdeno Chara when he was in Ottawa, and subsequently in Boston? Ottawa Fan becomes . . . Boston Fan.

(By the way, the preceding option must have been Hell-on-Earth for those of you in the Mike Sillinger Adoration Club – Mike was traded nine times and skated for 12 different clubs.)

There’s also a few of you who simply went for the uniform. Remember when the San Jose Sharks popped into life for the 1991-92 season? That beauty teal uniform drew in its fair share of admirers.

The team stunk, but those unis were stunning.

Then you have agonizingly good-looking ones like me who have lived extensively in all three centres – born in Oakville, grew up in Town of Mount Royal, moved back to Toronto (Scarborough) for university and then college, worked in Owen Sound for a few years and eventually landed here in Ottawa to mooch off one of my older brothers for 20+ years.

And here’s where that previously mentioned word ‘eccentricities’ comes into play.

It all started when I was a kid; a noticeably young kid.

And I blame it on that brother. (The eldest of the three brothers was too busy/smart mastering the computer industry at the age of 16 to give hockey much of a consideration. Out-foxed we were).

Again – we were raised in Montreal and so at an early age Brother No. 2 decided that the Canadiens would be ‘his’ team. Given that we were siblings, and a natural rivalry followed (usually brought on by tantrum-inducing table hockey battles), I would and could not follow suit.

So, I chose the Boston Bruins.

Bobby Orr, Phil Esposito, Johnny Bucyk, etc.

Excellent choice.

Except after the B’s won their Cups in the early 1970s, Big Brother No. 2 (will go nameless; anonymity is the spiritual foundation of column writing) gleefully watched the Habs roll to championship after championship (1973, 1976, 1977, 1978, 1979) and gleefully flaunt it in my face.

So, I bolted to Toronto for university. Escaping the grim living experience that had become Montreal was my goal.

My marked and trauma-based childhood, though, would be going with me.

While riding the Rapido (remember that one?) in the late 1970s on the way from Gare Centrale to Union Station I subconsciously morphed into a contrarian.

To this day, it’s where I stand. The mountain I will die on, apparently.

The Maple Leafs were God-awful during the 1980s. Harold Ballard had them firmly planted out of the playoffs and squarely in public ridicule year after year.

This was also a time that featured the genesis of sports-talk radio. Just before the Leafs rebounded for a couple of brilliant seasons in the early 1990s, the city saw its first all-sports radio station born in the form of The FAN 1430 (CJCL). Oddly enough, the man behind the plan, Allan Davis, would become my boss when I first moved to Ottawa in late 1999.

Anyway.

The open phone lines would then draw in the Leaf fans. Moths to a flame.

After five or six years of – “Hey, howya’ doing, it’s Gino from Woodbridge. The Leafs are God’s team ya know!” (A line I poached for last week’s column) – it was game over.

The Leafs became the Habs: Couldn’t get less of them.

Even during my time in lovely Owen Sound I was surrounded by ‘Gino’s.’ Everywhere you go – Dougie jerseys and Wendel jerseys.

Getting to Ottawa was a brief relief.

The Senators were young and talented and kind of cute and fluffy. It was easy to dispassionately root them on.

As mentioned above – ironically ‘I’ was now the one to start work at the ‘newish’ sports-radio station here in Ottawa (then TEAM1200).

And then it started.

Eventually.

Gino became Bob from Barrhaven, then Karla from Kanata, Noel from Nepean and Ralphie Boy from Renfrew (all fictional of course . . . anonymity).

In any case, there is hope.

I have my eye on an affordable property in urban Phoenix.

I’ve heard rumours that they don’t have an NHL team there, right?

Ah, serenity.

From my contrary heart to yours.

thegrossgame@yahoo.com