Relationships are never easy. People get together because they love each other, but sometimes even the strongest attraction is not enough to make it last. Things can get even more complicated when life comes full circle, and the couple that once broke up decides to give themselves another shot at love.
Can the flame be rekindled? Yes, but usually, there’s a catch. You both need to give yourself enough time to recover from the breakup and make changes for the better before reaching out.
Healing is also an essential part of the process, but it may be impossible if you start rushing things. Both you and your partner should also determine what they want from the second chance.
If you want to learn more about how to get your ex back into your life without creating a big mess, here are a few tips.
When you’re starting to hang out with your ex, it all can feel really exciting. The text, the calls, the meetings, the shy looks you give each other… These things may make you feel like you should head to Facebook and change your status to “in a relationship” as soon as possible. However, if you fail to take things slowly at this stage, you may set yourself up for failure.
You don’t want to rush into a relationship and then see it crash and burn again. So, before you start posting cute couple photos on Instagram or updating your Facebook status, take a step back and try to enjoy the time you have.
Go on dates, hang out together, do stuff that both you and your ex enjoy, and take a beat before you become partners again. You can’t hurry love, especially if you still want to be with the person you once called your ex.
People change, especially after going through a breakup. This means that getting back together with your ex is an excellent opportunity to tell each about your thoughts and plans for the future. For instance, you may suddenly discover that your ex started exploring their sexuality during your time apart and now frequents websites such as The Adult Toy Shop or similar ones.
And while there’s nothing wrong with that, you need to figure out whether you’re both on the same page regarding things such as sex and intimacy. This way, you will be able to avoid letdowns and misunderstandings, which can be truly devastating for a developing relationship.
Both you and your partner should also determine what your expectations are this time. Was there something missing before that you’d like to work on now? Did you feel like your partner took you for granted and therefore didn’t try as much as they could’ve? Answering such questions won’t be easy, but it’s necessary for the relationship to progress and flourish later on.
This advice may seem counteractive at first, especially if you feel determined to make things work this time and turn this reunion into a success, but try to look at everything from a different perspective.
Were you just as determined the last time and, as a result, ignored some serious red flags? Did they ultimately lead to the breakup because you were so afraid of it that you chose to bite your tongue and not speak up about anything?
This time, follow your gut feeling and remember the importance of clear communication. If there’s something that irritates or concerns you, don’t let it slip. If you ignore the problems in your rekindled relationship, they won’t magically disappear. Instead, they will grow and come back stronger than ever before. Therefore, if you’re giving this relationship a second chance, you should put your instinct first this time.
Forgiveness is a big part of reconciliation. Whether you broke up because your partner cheated or you simply concluded that you weren’t good for each other anymore, it’s crucial that you’re genuinely ready to give them a second chance. You can’t get back together with your ex if you’re still bearing a grudge and planning to use the hurt they caused you as a bargaining chip.
Having old wounds is normal, but you need to be able to speak and simply be with your partner without needing to remind them about all the times they hurt you in the past. Forgiveness is a complex and lengthy process, so give yourself time and don’t try to make the relationship happen again at all costs.
Bear in mind that you can always consider going to therapy to learn how to deal with your feelings in a healthy way. In fact, you can also encourage your ex to go to individual therapy, too, or try couples counseling.
As you can see, getting back together with your ex is definitely possible, but you should rush into it without preparation. First of all, it’s vital not to rush things when giving each other a second chance. You and your partner should both be on the same page and have an honest chat about your thoughts and plans for this relationship.
If you tend to overlook red flags or ignore things that bother you in hopes of making things better, learn to trust your gut and react. And don’t forget how important it is to be ready to forgive your partner so you can build your relationship on mutual trust.
Photo: Pexels, Cottonbro
