In a previous column, I talked about some of the challenges that many PWD face regarding dating and relationships. Shortly after I wrote that, I began thinking that I should also add some positivity to the subject, or at the very least, offer some tips on how to meet that special someone(s).
Before I begin, I just want to point out a few things.
By no means do I consider myself an expert on the topic. I’ve been fortunate enough to be involved in several relationships. Some were great, some not so great.
I’ll be talking about what has worked well for me as far as meeting others and dating. Part of the trick is to figure out what works for you and your comfort level.
Second thing.
Anyone can use many, or perhaps all of these tips and suggestions. Part of the reason why I mention people with disabilities is because some may think that they can’t use my ideas, or even date, or be in relationships.
That’s absolute nonsense.
With that in mind, let’s get to it.
Having An Online Presence
This is a big one for me. I’ve met all of my partners online. This goes back to IRC, ICQ, National Capital Freenet, Messenger, MySpace, Dating Sites, and, more recently, Social Media. For me, being online allows me more freedom to be myself. Also, it’s MUCH more comfortable for me to communicate online. This is even more true for PWD that faces any communication challenges or social anxiety, and various other challenges. Also, since we’re still in a pandemic, communication has become quite literally
There’s been much debate, though, at least among my friends, about whether you should mention your disability online, especially in your profile or bio. My answer is yes.
I’m not saying that you need to go into great detail about your physical disability, but it’s a good idea to at least mention it. There are many reasons as to why I think you should say it.
One being if you’re serious about meeting someone, sooner or later, they will probably figure it out and possibly be upset that you didn’t tell them. A second reason is that it’s been my experience that people appreciate it when you take the time to be open and honest right from the start.
As far as how much to disclose. That’s entirely up to you and what you’re comfortable with. The same thing goes for including a picture of yourself.
And if you’re on Social Media, don’t be afraid to engage with others about things that interest you. You never know who may read what you wrote.
Don’t Be Afraid To Stand Out.
As most PWD are aware, we often get stared at, usually because we’re using some mobility device, or we look “different,” so why not use it to your advantage? If others are going to stare at you, give them another reason to share. So, here’s an example of what I do.
Sometimes, I’ll wear something that stands out—for instance, a purple suit or a suit covered in Star Wars characters. Also, I’m unable to wear shoes, so I always make it a point to wear funky socks and a mask these days. It often surprises me how easy it is to get a positive reaction and even treated differently, especially if you’re wearing a suit or something funky. Responses have varied from, Hey! Cool socks! To people wanting to get to know me better, hang out etc. Whatever the positive reaction may be, it’s a connection. Relationships of any kind always involve some form of a connection. Once you make a connection, beautiful things can happen.
It also helps with boosting your confidence, which is always a good thing.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.
Don’t Settle
I know that many of you out there have experienced this, including myself. You meet someone that may not be your ideal match or even what you’re looking for. In your head, the negative talk starts and seems to get loud at times. That voice keeps telling you that you’ll never find anyone better, and instead of being alone, this is your only chance at being loved, so deal with it.
You need to quiet that negative self-talk. I know it’s very tough. It took me a very long time and a tremendous amount of work. In the end, though, I learned a lot about myself, what I deserve, and I became a much happier person. Good things and good people came into my life.
To those of you in that place, I want you to know that you deserve to be happy, whatever that may mean to you. It’s ok to be single as well. One day, you’ll find the right person, or people to be with.
Love has so many meanings these days. Choose what’s right for you and what makes YOU truly happy.
You’ve earned it.