On kissing, hugging, sex, and “Is everything OK here?”

By Elie Mikhael Nasrallah

Blowing candles at birthday cakes parties is surely history, or it ought to be, from now forward. Extending hands for a casual handshake is as risky as living in Putin’s Russia. Hugging, kissing, sincere or pretentious, are now a metaphor for a bear’s hug. Casual sex with total strangers is almost a death sentence without due process. A casual stroll through a crowded church, a wedding hall, a sport arena, or a neighborhood bar is a trip to the unknown.

Should the post-pandemic world resemble the original version? Should we go back to our norms, habits, traditions, custom and social etiquette, the visible and un-visible? Can we afford it?

I am writing these words not to get into trouble, but I am afraid I will. Contrarian I am, and contrarian I shall remain, regarding this perfectly appropriate pandemic culture.

I had always resisted, but to no avail, the social pressure and constant obsession with pleasantries, constant hand-shakings, hugging, greeting and the social parade of small and awkward talk that compels one to be unauthentic and diplomatic to a fault. Thankfully, the present pandemic is playing havoc with these undesirable social norms.

Let us count the ways:

1. Man is a social animal, alright, I get it. But, as someone observed, Hell is other people. Take for instance, the meaningless weather status chat that we all engage in all the time. The holiday’s dinner obligatory burden of listening to that uncle’s theory on the reasons why Donald Trump was sent by God to save humanity and the U.S.A. in particular. Or your brother’s elaborate explanation as to why the Maple Leaf have not won the Stanley Cup since 1967. Or tolerating your aunt’s theory as to why she has not won the lottery for 40 years or about.
2. Man is a creature of habits, I get it. Take, for example, how going to church, or any religious temple, has become unrecognizable and forgettable human habit since the COVID-19 became a threat to us all. Within months I, or most of us, forgot that we used to go to these places, or they ever existed.
3. Man is a love creature too. Weddings used to be a big thing. People used to plan weddings for 3-4 years in advance, spend an untold amount of money – mostly unjustified – and invite by relationships, or not, the good guests, the bad, and yes the ugly. It was torture listening to most wedding speeches as much as it was torture listening to Trump’s theory of the pandemic at a White House press briefing.
4. Man is a political animal as well. Office politics used to be cancerous for health, career advancement and reputations. With the phenomenon of working at home, office politics is now confined with the significant other, with children or with pets. Zoom meeting are an artificial replacement to the office meeting where real bullying, curses and humiliation of others were the order of the day. The sexiness of office politics is now tamed to a considerable degree as virtual encounters are hostage to artificial civility and social surveillance.
5. Man longs for solitude. The world is exhausting and dangerous, constantly pulling you in different directions. The deafening noise of pandemic news, politics, race mayhem in America, wars, and the human pursuit of every kind is enough to drive a sane person to seek the only possible refugee in this environment: solitude. Ralph W. Emerson once said: “It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion, it is easy in solitude to live after your own; but the great man is he who, in the midst of the world, keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.” Oh, how sweet it has been, relatively speaking, during these pandemic months to keep that independence, that personal space between oneself and the world in an orderly fashion.
6. Man and food are friends forever. Have you ever thought of the perils of dinning out in a crowded restaurant? It is not salmonella outbreaks in the kitchen, air conditioning at subzero temperature, people fighting loudly over money, love, family feud, or lighting so, so dim it would not hurt to come with a seeing-eye dog. It is, you see, an onslaught of overconcern. The bogus hospitality, the phony enthusiasm of it all. Remember how many times restaurant staff used to come interrupting the dinning party asking a variation of the question “Is everything all right?” Remember how the waiter used to appear during each course (appetizer, salad, entrée, dessert) eager to know how things were going and “Is everything okay here?” The pandemic put a hold on all that jazz.

The pandemic panic and social distancing are a blessing in disguise in many unexpected ways. For many they are deplorable; for us the contrarians they are a welcome refuge from social façade and solidarity.

The tide will turn against us come hell or high water, anyway!

Elie Mikhael Nasrallah, born in Lebanon, graduated from Carleton University in Ottawa, with an honours degree in political science. He also obtained a post-graduate certificate in Regulatory Law Administration from Algonquin College. He has been practicing since 1998 as a certified and authorized immigration consultant in North America and globally. He has written three books: "My Arab Spring, My Canada," co-author in 2012, and "None of the Above," in 2014, and "Hostage to History," in 2016. Currently, he is working on his new book "Gates and Walls." He is also a writer and commentator for major newspapers in North America and the Middle East. He has published in the Globe and Mail, The Montreal Gazette, The Toronto Star, The Ottawa Citizen, Huffington Post, The Daily Star in Beirut, Al-Ahram in Egypt, Annahar of Lebanon. He is a public speaker and a media personality in Canada and the Middle East, appearing frequently on major media outlets.

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